When I started this whole thing, I knew I would learn a lot about myself. I had hoped some of it would be awesome. Thus far, it isn’t.
Badassery; to me, is what you make of it. I thought I would slap on some eyeliner and lipstick, feel more empowered and there for be transformed. Oh dear sweet,naive Nicole. It isn’t just looks, or what you wear.
Part of my ongoing version of badassery is complete, total truth. With myself, my family and friends. Some of you may have gleaned (or I told you privately) that I was experiencing some financial troubles. I spent the last week (my vacation week) going to a debt relief counselor, creating budgets and scrambling to create some sense of normalcy. I needed to reassure myself that I would be ok. This included groveling to my parents (the aforementioned “buisness proposal.”)
I still don’t know if I will be ok. What I know right now is that my work is offering overtime, which I am taking full advantage of (working 60 hours this week and next!) and that my parents are considering my “proposal.” What I do know is this: I stuck my head in the sand for too long while this boulder of a problem rolled my way. Now I’m pinned beneath it, and I’m furious with myself. I hate that I did this, and that designer purse I bought, or the 20.00 lipsticks I HAD to have? Aren’t worth this heartache and uncertainty I feel now. I feel like a fraud. And I hate it.
So right now, the lesson in badassery (this whole thing has been a huge lesson, but you know what I mean) is this: don’t ignore. Don’t stick your head in the sand or plug your ears to the chaos around you. Stand up, lean in, and face it. If I can make it through this, badass level one: warrior Next stop: level 2: Ninja princess
you have a great idea for a story, then it’s blown apart by real-life facts?
show me the $$